Physical Therapy, oh no my friend... it's Physical TOURCURE!!!
I'll start at the first visit... because the beginning is always a great place to start.
It's my first appointment and I wear what I believe is appropriate attire for P.T. Yoga pants, T-shirt and sneakers. So, I'm sitting in the lobby and I can't believe all of the characters there. One lady, reminded me of a burnt almond! She couldn't have been much older than 35, but she was all shriveled due to the fake bake tanning bed. And, guess what she had on for P.T.??? A mini skirt, Tank top and clogs. I kept looking at her, wanting to pull out my lotion and rub it on her poor dieing skin! K... Done with that tangent.
I usually bring a book everywhere I go... but this day I was so busy watching what was going on around me I didn't even crack it open. I'm watching the Doctors and assistants walking back and forth with different patients. And that is when one of the doctors caught my attention. OH MY.... How cute is he! He is absolutely beautiful yet adorable, uuuummmmm.... I start thinking, please don't let him be my doctor, please, please, please let it be the squat Asian doctor who looks like he would be oh so funny...
Nope, Dr. Adorable comes out and calls my name.... Oh well... I guess it doesn't make a difference. I'm un-happily married anyway. So, I go back and he asks about the accident. And like everyone else I've told, the first question out of his mouth is: "Where you driving too fast". Why does everyone think it was me driving???
Nope, only going a little over the speed limit and I wasn't driving. So, he starts poking at me and moving all of my appendages around "looking for what hurts". He finds it, but just to make sure he has to poke the muscles and/or joints that are effected. OUCH!!! Stop!
So, he comes up with a treatment plan and says that he wants to start with this gel that I will call "gunk" from here on out and ultrasound waves to make it penetrate into the muscles. I think, what the hell ok lets get this started.
He takes me into another room, and instead of an assistant doing it he stays and does it. I'm laying down on my tummy and he pulls the back of my shirt up and then starts to pull the back of my pants down without telling me. I'm thinking.... "OH OH OHH wait, stop, you'll see my stretch marks". Being thankful, that I wore nice panties I figure it will be only a second and then he will go away. NO such luck! He proceeds to squirt this foul smelling gunk on my back and stands there for 15 minutes as he rolls the ultrasound wand over my back the whole time. We make small talk, he's sweet and smart but I realize that there is just something about him that bothers me... Yeaaaa.... He's back to normal Dr. Status! No longer, Adorable.
Well, I've been 4 times now and each time it gets worse and worse.
I think they are all Sadomasochism fools! They have me doing stretches that kill, exercises that normally wouldn't bother me, but they kill and then at the end you get a massage before you leave.
Sound great, right? WRONG!
These massages inflict so much pain that I was tempted to grab the guys testes and squeeze every time he would dig on the muscles that he knew was injured! See how he would like being in pain from something that would normally be very nice.
So, today.... Dr. Adorable did my massage. It's now six hours later and I feel like my head is just going to fall off from the way he was squeezing the muscles in my neck. When I got up to leave, he said thinking he was funny and cute "I only moderately enjoy inflicting pain on others". I turned around and told him that I really don't believe him, and someone with a face of an angle like that is just a Sadists in hiding... He belly laughed, as I walked away.
OH.... I almost forgot the best part of all of this P.T. crap. They use 2 different ointments on me each time, each having a very distinct smell. Put the two together and I leave smelling like a retirement home. I believe all you would need to add is a splash of urine and everything would be complete! O'd to oldfolks perfume!!! This is what makes me thankful that the firehouse I run at is only 1 mile from my office. I go to P.T. and straight to the firehouse to shower and bag the cloths that had on! Now, I get to look forward to going 3 times a week for the next three weeks. I don't know if I have the constitution to see this through!
No comments:
Post a Comment